Thursday, November 17, 2011

11-17-11

I had lost 23 pounds. I have put 3 back on now so I am starting to freak out. I was looking at some pictures with my boyfriend the other day and he pointed out how much fatter my face was. Once I looked at new pictures next to the old I could really see the difference that I never noticed in the mirror. Refusing to go back to that, I have been getting up early again and working out. I need to find the motivation to do more than sit in front of the TV after work and I will be doing much better. Also, I have been eating out. Not as much as I use to, but more than I should.

Brian goes jogging most mornings but he still wants to lose some weight too. Maybe I can talk him into going on after dinner walks with me to burn off some calories. I only get to see him on weekends since he lives 2 1/2 hours away, but it's something.

Keirsten wants to lose weight so she can join the National Guard. She has gained about 12 pounds back and has to lose 40 if she wants to qualify. We need to work together to motivate each other. Right now we just motivate each other to be lazy. We have so much work to do!

Friday, November 11, 2011

11-11-11

Do you ever feel like you wish the whole world would just melt away? That's what I wished for tonight and I got it. And now I am feeling as if my heart and soul are being devoured by leeches sucking the life force out of me. I am desperate for company but trapped in a desolate design of my own making.


I have the most amazing boyfriend but after tonight he may change his mind about being with me. I am manic depressant. For the most part I am sunshine and happiness (manic), but then I have times when the sky starts to fall and the end of the world seems to be upon us. Today is one of those days. I take medicine to help me which works most of the time bit I can't just turn it off. I can't give you a reason for why I'm down tonight, I just am. Maybe the cat didn't run right to me when I got home. Maybe the power bill jumped up a whole dollar. Maybe I'm having a bad hair day (which I am by the way). The point is, because there is no specific reason why I'm sad, I have no way of knowing how to fix it. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and be a happy girl again.