This Week, the Real Work Begins

The gym I joined officially opened its doors last week. So, Monday, I hit it up with my daughter and friend Chris. It’s only $10 a month, but I am determined to get my money’s worth out of it. I did some elliptical, the stationary bike, and some weight exercises. By the end of the hour, I had worked up a sweat (my body doesn’t produce much sweat so it’s rare that I actually have beads of it on me; usually I just overheat and turn really red).  

Tuesday morning I felt great. I got up and did a 20 minute workout routine with Denise Austin and went off to work. Around 7pm that night I started to feel the effects of my workout. I wasn’t going to let it get me down, so I massaged the areas and did a little stretching and then went to bed.

By Wednesday, I was so sore that when I woke up, all I could manage of a workout was some light yoga. I stayed sore throughout the day but I didn’t allow it to keep me out of the gym that night. Again I did elliptical, bike, very little with weights, and some abdominal exercises. I got home, took a shower, and sat in my chair to watch a little TV. When I got up to go to bed, my legs were so sore I could hardly walk.

This morning, when I awoke, I was in someone else’s body. Some heavy, muscle cramped, sort of monster was lying in my bed and I was looking out through its eyes. I could not get out of bed. I could barely lift my lead. I was tired and sore and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep and sleep away the pain. I hit snooze for an hour. I did not work out. I lay, curled up with my puppy, begging him to let me stay in bed. Trying to convince my dog that staying n bed would somehow benefit us both. Me being me, I got up, got ready, smothered my body with Ben-Gay, and went to work.

My coworkers laughed at me today but it’s ok. One, I can take a joke and can laugh at myself. Two, I have lost a pound since Monday. Not bad considering the fact that I haven’t been eating as healthy as I should be. Tonight, we hit the gym again. Might as well keep up the momentum! The soreness will go away with time.

Our Kids Are Growing Up Mindless Beings

When I was young I use to spend almost every waking hour that I was allowed, outside. I played cowboys and Indians, rode my bike, played war, had snowball fights, went swimming, raked and jumped in leaves, fished, played with toys, or just laid in the grass being lazy. I was perfectly entertained and I didn’t drive my mother too crazy. I had a Texas Instrument that was similar to what now would be the X-Box. I played it some but it bored me. Granted, games back then were nowhere near as exciting as today.

Most kids nowadays seem to lack imagination. We have raised our children using the TV as a baby sitter. SUVs come equipped with DVD players and TVs so that your child can watch TV for that 5 minute ride to the store. Heaven forbid they learn to look out the window and enjoy the beauty that Mother Nature has provided. When I was a kid and we would go on road trips, I was allowed 1 toy. This was only for a long road trip because the shorter trips did not require anything. If I got bored, I would play the alphabet game, trying to go straight through the alphabet by finding letters on signs and buildings. Some people say I was deprived. I think that I learned to use my imagination and that children nowadays are the ones missing out.

Life's Not Fair

"Life's not fair. You see I, I shall never be King. And you, you shall never see the light of another day." -Scar, the Lion King

People always want to complain about how cruelly life has treated them. It’s rare you hear someone say "you know, I should have known better and done differently". Sure, every once in a while life will throw you a curve ball. However, I dare say that 95% of the time, things that happen to you, good or bad, are due to your own actions. As a society we want to blame everyone else for our downfalls, our short comings, or our blatant ignorance.

I have had some pretty bad things happen in my life. For the longest time I would yell at people and carry a grudge on my shoulder, just be mad at the world.

When I was in my early 20s I tried to take my daughter and move to Illinois with my mom. The courts said that I could leave, but my daughter could not. I couldn’t afford my rent, my ex had no job and was violent. Somehow, he and his family convinced a judge that it was not in my daughter’s best interest to leave. I cried for about two hours straight after the judge’s ruling. I went to a friend’s house and I was explaining to her what happened. The tears quit falling. Not that they didn’t want to fall, it was just that I was completely cried out. At that point I looked at my friend and told her that I couldn’t cry anymore. I thought to myself “now I won’t cry anymore”.

That was a turning point for me. At that moment I decided that no matter how much I cried, the facts weren’t going to change. I could throw a pity party all day, every day, or I could get up and do something about it. I began working harder at work, trying to improve myself personally, learned a few new skills and forced a smile on my face. I now have a great job, I own my own home, I pay my bills with no help, and generally speaking, life is good. I still have to force that smile on my face once in a while but who doesn’t?

I guess the point in all this rambling is that if you continue to blame everyone else for things happening to you, you will never be truly successful. So quit blaming the President, your boss, your mom or dad, your husband or wife, other races, other religions, and start taking responsibility for your own life.

3-8-11

Randomness

The truth is, that no matter how hard I try, I can’t help but yearn for the happiness I felt when I was younger, at least, the perceived happiness. When I look back, I tend to forget all the bad things I went through. I forget about the stress of not being able to pay my rent, forget about the heartbreaks, and forget about the bad jobs. Rainbows and happiness are all I can find in the past. Yet, when I reach out to touch those memories, they turn into thick black smoke that eventually disappears as if they were never real.

Why do people say “I don’t like making plans”? Wouldn’t it be easier to tell the truth? All you have to say is “I really want to see if something better comes along before I commit to you”. The irony is that if you go on FaceBook, they will have all sorts of plans listed in their status updates.

A few months ago I had been seeing a guy. Things were going great until he stopped making time to hang out. I can take a hint so I backed off. For some reason unbeknownst to me, he refuses to let me go. He was the one that would never make time for me but now he wants to email and text me all the time. One evening at 9pm he calls and asks if I will meet up with him right then. I politely said no, that I have to be up at 5:40am so I was going to bed. He gets huffy and says “you said you wanted me to make time for you”. Oh, I’m sorry. I guess what I should have said was “make time for me at a time that will be convenient for both of us, not just you”.  Today, I have three texts from this fool telling me how much he misses me. I can’t imagine that I am asking for a lot by asking for him to make time to see me. he only works four days a week and we live ten minutes from each other. I figure that if he were truly interested, I wouldn’t have to ask. He would want to make time on his own.

Why do people ask why I’m still single? You could go ahead and say “what’s wrong with you”. That might work just as well. Honestly people! If I knew, I would try to fix it! it’s not like I sit around thinking of ways to keep the boys from wanting to come around.

March 6th, 2011

I've spent the night, hanging out with you
We shot a little pool, had a few drinks too
You are the one, I've come to confide in
But there's someone else's arms, you'd rather be in
I can't compare, and it's not my fault
It's the simple fact, that she holds your heart
It seems in "friend zone", I will solemnly stay
Though I'm sure in the long run, it's better this way
So I bite my tongue, and bide my time
I know somewhere out there, is someone I'll find

March 1, 2011

It seems like so much has happened recently that I’ve barely had time to think straight. The last week has been a roller coaster of emotions but it looks like the ride is coming to an end. I tend to be one of those people that let my emotions get the best of me for a short time and then after I’ve vented enough, I move on. I don’t keep everything inside, but I also don’t hold onto things forever. I may remember them, but I don’t allow those things to eat away at me.

The week started off with me thinking that I could lose my job. I work hard and I take pride in my work, but when I make a mistake, I beat myself up far worse than anyone else ever could. I made a few mistakes over the last year and they came to light this week. If the mistakes had been caught when I made them, it would have been huge. $10,000 fines just to start with. As the mistakes were made in the past and not caught until much later, I now just have a plan of action to keep these things from happening again. I went to my boss and discussed the situation. He wasn’t upset at all and told me to quit stressing. That makes me feel better!

I have a friend that lives in Wilmington that I am attracted to. I never pursued it because he lives so far away but that doesn’t change the way I feel. This girl we both know was also attracted to him. She is loud and domineering, everything he says he hates in a woman. So a couple of months ago she tells him that she likes him and miraculously, he decides that he likes her too. He has a bad habit of being attracted to whoever is paying attention to him at the time. His divorce from his first wife was finalized in January. He had the new girlfriend move across the state to be with him in that same month after only 4 months of dating and they are going to marry in May. Maybe I’m crazy, but that seems way fast. If your first marriage didn’t last you’d think you’d take a little more time with the second one, but what do I know? My feelings are a little hurt and I think they are insane but I will not rain on their parade.

I was supposed to go to Greensboro to go bowling with my besty and his girlfriend but a huge bill came up that temporarily crippled my funds. It ended up being a good thing though since I got roped into working this weekend. I’m not complaining about that because the extra $300+ after tax will be very nice!

My daughter has been beefing with a girl that lives down the street from us. The girl thinks that her boyfriend broke up with her over my daughter. So on Friday, the girl has her friends call my daughter and tell her to come down to the other girl’s house. When my daughter arrives there are about 20 people waiting for her. Four girls ended up jumping on her. They pounded her pretty hard leaving her face swollen, black and blue. I was ready to go kill some kids for the first couple of
days. I am not a violent person, but I think those kids deserve a beat down!

I met a guy online who seems to be promising so far. We are going to meet tomorrow night. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Finally, I met my weight loss goal again this month. Yeah me!